Couch Potatoes “R” Us.
1. You’re going to want a drink, but you’re not going to want to get up to refill it: Here’s when having an extra large wine glass comes in handy.
It holds an entire bottle of wine!
2. If you’re more of a caffeine fiend, get the World’s Largest Coffee Cup.
What’s worse: lukewarm coffee or having to walk to the kitchen? That’s a choice you have to make for yourself.
3. Purchase your new official uniform.
Proof that couch potatoes aren’t always slovenly: They can be cute! Super cute. But they’re never seen in the wild, so once you slip into this thing, don’t even THINK of venturing out into fresh air. Not allowed.
4. Have a cold? No need to dash to the bathroom for a tissue. This remote-controlled tissue box will deliver them to you.
Your savior when you have the sniffles.
5. After you’re done with the tissues, grab yet another controller and use it to drive over a garbage can to dispose of them in.
What do you think would win in a race: the tissue box or the garbage can? Tough choice.
6. A robotic cleaner (like a Roomba) will keep your home from getting foul while you make your way through every season of Frasier.
No one wants to veg out in an unclean atmosphere.
7. If a Roomba is out of your price range, try one of these adorable “fur ball” vacuum cleaners instead.
They roll around like the hedgehogs from Alice in Wonderland and collect lint and dust as they go.
8. While robots can tidy up your floors for you, they’re no help when it comes to your own…odors. That’s where a diffuser comes in handy.
You’re undoubtably completely fragrant… but just in the off chance you may be a wee bit stinky, this ultrasonic gadget will have your living room smelling of jasmine (or whatever scent you choose) in no time.
9. Buy a Comfortable Reach USB Charger so your phone doesn’t run out of power as you endlessly gaze at Instagram while you lounge.
Phone and tablet charger cords are notoriously short, but this one is 15 feet long with three USB ports (so you can charge a few devices at once).
10. Claim a couch as your own. This one is ideal because while it’s technically a “couch,” you could also refer to it as “heaven.”
Stretch out and claim it like a starfish claims a rock.
11. Here’s another fine couch option. It may not be as roomy as the last one, but it comes equipped with two power outlets and USB ports.
Plus: Each seat reclines, there’s a drop-down tray table, and built-in overhead lighting.
12. Or maybe you’d prefer this one — it can actually transform into a bed!
So much cooler than anything you see in a Transformers movie.
13. Decorate your new forever-home with some suitable accessories (like this pillow emblazoned with your new motto).
“Yes, pillow. Let’s do it.”
14. If your couch has a reclining option, install an extender to make leaning back even more convenient.
The whole point of “couch life” is to exert the least possible amount of effort.
15. Get a caddy to set all your essentials on: remotes, snacks, your phone and laptop… you get the drift.
A coffee table also works, but this is better because you can also use it like a makeshift desk. Couch potatoes can accomplish things and get shit done; they just do so in comfort.
16. Invest in a Tablift to hold your tablet for you.
It allows you to watch something hands-free and the adjustable legs give it the capability to stand up on any surface (no matter how uneven). Your lap will be grateful.
17. If you’re going to be sitting on the couch all day (and night), eventually you’ll need to change the lighting situation: The time has come to install The Clapper.
Don’t make your feet do the work when your hands can handle it.
18. If The Clapper is too old fashioned for you, get some LIFX bulbs you can control using your phone.
You can even change the color of light they emit. Watching a scary movie? Red tint. Scared after watching a scary movie? Switch to a soothing blue.
19. Equip your front door with Lockitron so you can let your guests in without missing a minute of whatever you’re in the midst of watching.
All they have to do is text you when they arrive and you use the app to release the lock.
20. If you’d prefer to be social without sharing any of your precious couch space, have a long-distance movie night instead.
Gaze let’s you watch a movie (or show) in sync with someone else (and chat while you do it).
21. Sitting beneath a pile of blankets gets pretty toasty: the Zen Thermostat is app-controlled so you can change the temperature as you see fit.
Knock it down a few degrees so you can curl up in your nest of blankets without sweating.
22. Working on your fitness from the couch isn’t impossible: Slide up to the edge of your seat and use this elliptical trainer for a bit.
…and then just slide back and return to relaxing when you’re done (you athlete, you).
23. Or skip “the gym” and take your feet to “the spa” with this foot massager.
24. Having a pet requires you to actually stand up and do things: Get a robotic one instead.
It’s almost the same.
…and not at all creepy. Nope. Not in the slightest.
25. Finally, while couch life is unquestionably the best life, some people just don’t understand; some people actually want you to venture into other rooms… that’s when you need a telepresence.
“Honey! Lexie is taking her first steps!”
“Just a minute, baby.”
*continues to watch TV and sends iPad off into the other room*